The End of Love or The Beginning of Life?

By: Kenneth Stepp

My questions always end in another question. I wish I had as many answers as questions. It’s funny. Back before I over thought everything and accepted this journey of finding out the meaning of love. I thrived and emitted answers. I was the go to guy for so many topics. Now, I have a look of bewilderment. This, because the more I study this thing called love, the less I know, that I know. So, I write. Unsure why this compulsion is part of the journey. Maybe it’s just, a loud journal.

Writing helps me sort things out, I am certain of that. There really is something about the written word. Even if I am the one writing it. And to top it off. After realizing I know less about this subject every time I dive in. I dive in again. There is something seriously wrong with someone that would do this. There must be. I have studied love exhaustively for months. I now know less than I ever did. Yet, I can’t stop.

The end of love….. Really? I believe if some of us ever have a chance at life. This is where we need to begin. At the end. Where love ends, life begins. Or at least. It’s a theory. Albeit, a strange one. What do I have to lose?  If I can’t find solace in the middle of love, and keep trying to land myself at the beginning of love. Then the ending must be the spot. I hurt. Therefore, I restart. This makes sense to me. So, to get into a position where I can love again. I need to find myself at the end of the last love. God, this is beginning to feel like math.

As a decent investigator. Today I will compile evidence about my previous relationships. Then, take a good look at myself now. Again. It seems mathematical to me. Being blessed with a math mind, I should be able to add and subtract my way out of this situation. Well, shouldn’t I?

I began trying to find love online. I will pause until the laughter subsides…….. Hmm……… Online a person can be so many things. They are not limited by silly things. Things like truth or reality are now simply digital barriers that cannot be contained by imagination and desperation. One can be taller, slimmer, smarter (harder to pull off), and even richer. Then we meet. I heard snickering out there again……… Yep. it has been so wonderful in the online dating arena, that I deleted my account (3rd account), after two very long weeks.

Moving on, finding true love, and finding “Forever”. This is a face to face endeavor. Not an online fantasy, Online can be fun. Chatting back and forth. Learning things you haven’t thought of about this journey. Four major things stick out. They are all about self deception. Almost all say they are looking for forever. Few really are. All believe they know what unconditional love is. Almost none really do. Almost all believe they will find their soulmate. You know this one, right? And last but not least. Almost everyone believes themselves to be ready for their forever relationship. Very few actually are. Preparing yourself requires a heart of forgiveness. I seldom use something biblical as a dating or relationship reference. But it is all that fits. Forgiving without forgetting, IS NOT forgiving at all. This doesn’t require Godly traits. It requires a forgiving heart towards someone you love. This is what I mean by being prepared for forever. If you can’t pull this off. Forever will never happen.