By: Kenneth Stepp
Now, here is a topic I have felt like talking about for a while. Of course, the reason I haven’t tackled it, is the complex way I try to wrap my brain around this subject. I process everything. I overthink everything. This, takes me down some interesting paths, that in my opinion, many never really find their way home from. Being single when you are over 40, or even 50, is a much tougher journey than I believe anyone believes it will be when they embark on it. So, let’s discuss it a little.
First there is the financial dynamic. I have felt it. From the conversations I have had with the girls I have met. They all feel it too. Many, never really recover. Others struggle daily. When two are pulling the cart, life is just easier. Next, the stability of having the same partner. I believe we all want this. Or, most of us do. To wake up, and lay down with the same partner, is a worthy goal. Then, it’s the “game of dating”. I can’t think of a better word for it. Sadly, some learn to play the game better than others. A few, aren’t playing at all. Even fewer don’t get that it’s a game. They will be the ones damaged the most. This is a brutal game. None of us begin thinking it’s a game. The longer you are in the arena, the more like a game it seems.
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This mysterious phenomenon is the way many choose to travel this journey. I deleted my online account after just two weeks. Why? Because it began feeling like a job for one thing. Plus, I started getting sucked into the “game”. I stopped liking who I was becoming. Yes. After only two weeks. The desperate, damaged, hopeful, and the players. All coming together for a fight to the finish. I just couldn’t participate any longer. You see. I am one of the damaged. The one thing I know is that. So, knowing my role, or position. I chose to get out and take a break. Protecting my heart is a priority. Pain, hurt, and confusion has been my course so far. Time to just like me again, and figure me out.
I have been fortunate to have interviewed well over one hundred girls that are on this journey. All age groups, economic status, and lifestyles. There are many differences between them But far more similarities than differences. The issues I mentioned before, plague all of them on some level or the other. I can attest to them in my life as well. So, what can we do? Give up? Run away from life because it’s hard? Continue running people off that actually care about us because we are afraid? None of these are a very good idea at all.
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Myself, I have decided to find something I love to do and do it. When I feel the pressures of life. I go exploring. I visit small towns in Georgia. I meet new people. I learn the history, take pictures, ask questions. I become a tourist. I love this. It takes me away from the journey of finding my “forever”. From financial struggles, from the hard things knocking at my door. Or, I meet friends and explore with them. Usually intown. Atlanta is rich with interesting things.
Everyone has something they can do. Some golf, some just ride around. Find your thing and dive in. Enjoy YOU for a while. Just a few hours. Everyone needs this. No one is immune from the pain and hurt of the journey. I’m not. My forever is alive and well. Looking just as hard for me as I am for her. I hope we meet. Honestly. I hope we have already met. I guess this is why they call it a journey. Hide your hearts behind logic my friends.
