By: Kenneth Stepp
For me, dating at my age has been confusing. A “conundrum-A-saurus” of sort. I think we all go into it with preconceived ideas of what it will be like. For example. We remember what it was like when we were young and believe it will look something like that again. Only now, because we have all grown up, lived life, and act more mature. It will be a more grown up and mature experience. Boy, was I wrong. The only thing that has stayed the same, is that we are different genders. And I check for Adams apples these days too.
What’s changed? For me personally. I woke up at 3:00 am to write this morning. So, my hours have definitely changed. Then there are the life lessons along the way. Because of my age, I have experienced so many more things life can throw at us. Financial struggles, loss of loved ones, health issues, watched others take care of ailing mates, etc. The list is endless. And, my list will be very different from her list. Plus, we were both with people that had their own list to deal with. Then, there is the dreaded “D” word. Damaged. We all have been on some level. To sum it all up. “””””Baggage”””””.
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I, of course, have no baggage (being facetious). We all have plenty. This will cause many failures in the future. It will affect how fast you fall in and out of love, or if you are able to love at all, real love, not third date “I love you baby” stuff. This is the sad truth. I have interviewed more than 100 people. Admittedly, mostly women. I guess it is because that is mostly all I meet in the wonderful singles world. What I have found is simply amazing. For the most part, these girls are amazing. They have baggage, but have found a way to deal with it. As long as they keep their emotions in check, they are the queen of their existence. The setter of all rules they live by. But when emotions get involved, watch out. I have seen some interesting things in the relatively short time I’ve been single. When a girl that has huge responsibilities, high IQ, and an otherwise logical mind, gets derailed by emotions. Emotions take over completely.
Projection is The Boogie Man
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This is a big part of how baggage can eviscerate love in our future. Let’s say Jane was dating Jim for the last year and a half. Jim traveled three days per week. Jane found out that Jim had another girlfriend in Indiana, where his client is. They break up. Then, Dave shows up. Steady, stable, nice guy Dave. They begin dating. Dave gets a call from his sister. His mom has taken ill and he must take a road trip. She lives in Indiana. He’s done nothing wrong and is going to do nothing wrong. Jane’s logical mind knows this of course. But when Dave forgets to call for an entire day (something I would do) and then says he has to stay an extra day. Jane’s emotions lick in. He forgot her for a whole day, he’s in Indiana, just like Jim was, childhood sweethearts are there as well. None of this makes sense. But, emotions are conclusion jumpers and live in a world without reason or rational thought. By the time Dave gets back in town, she has her emotions almost under control. But they have exchanged a couple of unpleasant emails, they had a weird call or two, and they both have mixed feelings happening. Projecting the hurt that Jim called onto Dave was wrong, but natural.
It happens. Why? Because we learn through pain, not pleasure. Through pain we learn how to defend ourselves from more pain. It’s a strange phenomenon, this this called life. I wish I had the answers. I not only don’t have them. I don’t believe they exist at all. Unless we can throw caution to the wind and allow a relationship to grow, in spite of ourselves. We may end up alone for life. That’s ok I guess. But, I really like my milkshake with two straws in it.
