By Kenneth Stepp
Dating in your orbit? In techy terms in means your immediate vicinity. Home, work, or your circles close by. I've looked into this, even met some viable candidates. After all, birds of a feature and all that. But is it wise?
I'm in local politics. It's my social orbit. There are many smart, strong, independent women in this arena. There are pitfalls however. They can become territorial, & it's your territory. You interact with girls. Getting "that look" when you are trying to work the room. Flirting is one of my tools. This could be a nightmare.
The dynamics of your orbit change immediately. Your friends will come under great scrutiny by your new romance. Especially the girls. The freedom in the work environment will now become something to endure. Humiliation and lack of respect will now be part of your social description.
We all have an inner circle. She wasn't in yours. She has her own. Now you will come under the scrutiny of her inner circle. Why? They love her, and aren't at all sure of your motives. When it ends. Everyone in her circle will not have nice things to say about you. Poisoning her circle, & all of their circles. I'm a math guy, so this has exponential damage written all over it.
Social orbit dating has more downside than it has upside. I would not recommend it.
Summary: Sex is a nuclear explosion with someone in your social orbit
It amazes me that people still try this. These never work. You know. "We've were friends forever, got married thirty years ago and still happy" Said no one ever.
These relationships are the ultimate settle for what you can get relationships. You've been single for years, hang out together. And options are fading. So all of the sudden one of them has an idea. We have been friends for years. We would make a great couple. OR... We have been friends for years.I am comfortable with you.
Now we have a relationship based on need, not love. Heck, maybe not even real friendship. It can't work. Yet this course is tried and the relationship is played out over and over. When it ends, and it will. They usually aren't friends anymore at all. Have to reestablish another friendship orbit because this one has been tainted. And both are even more lonely and hopeless than before. Not a good outcome for something with so much promise .
Dating a friend comes at great cost, and never worth the price. I'm shocked anyone still tries.
Summary: Sex is mundane and uncomfortable in the friendship orbit.
I guess this one has to be right up there with friendship orbit. The upside doesn't exist, the downside is incalculable. A number of bad things happen. You could muddy your relationships at work and see these people five days a week. And God forbid you do any sexting after it heats up. How bad would it be if you're ex lover was at work everyday photo-shopping your unit? Not a pretty picture (pun intended).
Rumors spread. And you may have to live with those for years. Your performance & dark secrets out there for everyone at the watercooler to admire. This could set a new low for Mondays.
Then there's the "One of you will have to go" speech. Most offices have a policy for that. And which ever one goes will have to explain their termination to the next person that might think about hiring you. Guess who won't be getting a second interview. Yeah meathead, It's you..No employer wants liabilities.
So why risk? The next person applying for the job will have been married for years, young kids, and just want to go home at five & love on the family. Not lurk behind walls mentally undressing co workers.
Summary: Career orbit sex is one of the hottest. Forbidden fruit, yum.
Long Distance Romance
Did you ever have an moment when something became an option that wasn't before? Long distance romance seemed silly to me. Not any more. Distance is math, and all math problems have solutions.
The upside to a long distance romance is you're forced to get to know one another. Talking on the phone, Facebook, texts, emails. It may not take sex out of the picture as a desire or thought. But it does take the distraction of having sex out.
Two single people with irrational sexual encounter issues and no real sexual schedule suddenly find themselves face to face. Guess what is on their minds. The chemistry is there, the heat is rising, and they kiss. Logic, rational thinking, and the desire to learn deeply about each other is gone. The only thing left is hormones. And that desire will be filled immediately. I'm no moralist, so I believe this is healthy, natural, and very good for you.
Being too far apart to hookup could help build a bond in the relationship before the physical takes over. I believe this is a logical way of dating. This if you are looking for a life long mate at least.
Summary: Sex has been well thought out, is an explosion, and hot hot hot.
I believe I could simply take exerts out of some of the ones above for this one. I would have to sprinkle in some others I am thing about. So lets unpack this one.
Dating a neighbor can be convenient and fun. Ok, now we got the good stuff out of the way. Although I do not think this one is nearly as bad or potentially damaging as the social and career orbits. I do think is balance, it has more risk than reward. When it ends, and it will. You live by one another, see each other at functions, the pool, and many other events that are going to inevitably happen. So why bother? Start an online account and fish where they are less likely to bite you that hard.
Add to that the pressure of faithfulness in a brand new relationship. An old flame stops by unannounced, you hug, ask how they have been, and your lover just happens to be walking by. It's never pretty. And what if she gets more serious than you? how are you going to date other people with what is sure to become a stalker behind that telescope aimed at you not so private anymore home?
So staying clear here would be the best medicine for the neighborhood girls. There are other ways to find a mate. Getting fixed up is one. It is one I refuse to entertain. But I'm just stubborn and would rather not piss off a friend's friend.
Summary: Sex is usually super hot at first, then uncomfortable and cumbersome.
Immediate Area Orbit
Don't let the name fool you. To me, immediate area orbit covers a lot of ground. I live in the metro Atlanta Georgia area. I live about thirty miles northeast of Atlanta. A girl thirty miles southwest would still be in my immediate are orbit. Why. Because this is my book, so I make determinations based on my experiences.
This can be the best method of choosing someone to date.The distance can actually help both parties stay independent, and they can still see one another at will. Not bad at all. This orbit has it all. It has the highest rate of return. The least risk & highest reward. I love the idea. I can hop in my car and see my baby in an hour. I also like the idea that if my baby is coming to me, I have an hour.
Dating is a lot of work. It is a world hard to navigate. Full of risk. The great moments are few, the down time is long and thought provoking.