By: Kenneth Stepp
I have noticed a pattern in my life lately. It turns out that there is one. I do not believe I have ever had a pattern to my life. Nowadays. I can almost predict everything and everywhere. Geez. Is this a sign of aging, or something different?
As a lover of life and a consoment questioner. I find myself in quandaries constantly. This one about “patterns” is typical. I usually find something that wasn’t there not so long ago, and begin to unpack it in my mind. The results are always somewhat odd, or at least, not what I expected. This doe, of course, prove to me that I can look at myself without bias or preconceived motives. That, is a plus.
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Routines aren’t bad things at all. But mine became worse when I found myself single again. Not at first. But now. I have a cadence to my life. Again, not necessarily a bad thing. Just an unexpected thing. So, when the patterns become mundane. I fire up my truck and hit the road. I learn more about “me” when I’m driving, than any other time. I have conversations with others. I’m the only one talking of course. I make the conversations up, both sides. No worries. It isn’t a sign of being crazy. I actually asked myself yesterday. I confirmed that it was simply a sign of my genius. Not psychosomatic tendencies.
My patterns change depending on what subject I get locked into. I am a studier. I study 4 to 6 hours every day. My interests vary. I usually stick with one subject at least four months. So, I learn quite a bit over time. My passions have been quantum physics, neuroscience, death, biblical scholarship, and lately, LOVE. I find love to be the most fascinating subject yet. What is it? Who can experience it? Why can everyone not experience it? Why would everyone claim and even believe the can offer real, unconditional love? What leads to self deception? Are we all damaged? Why does love hurt more often and longer than bring healing? Etc, etc, etc. It never ends with me.
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Everything I was told about love during my life was completely false. Digging into thyis subject is what brought on the boring, and downright dull, life for me. My life has always rocked. This is so odd for me. So, I have to force myself to get out and engage with life elsewhere. Yesterday I visited two small historic towns by myself. This is my new hobby. I love it. I find an outdoor cafe and study my fellow humans. My favorite is watching couples doing life together. It’s interesting to me. Love in action. Or at least this is most likely what they believe they are living. It fascinates me.
So, I will continue to mentally unwrap love in my mind, hope that I find myself madly in love again, and try to make a difference in other’s lives my immediate orbit. My hope is that when My love quest is fulfilled, the daily grind will end, and my forever partner will turn into my partner in crime. With my imagination and the open minded girl I seek. It is simply beyond my imagination, what we might get into. I can’t wait.
