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Health & Fitness

Dating Over 40, "Broken"

By: Kenneth Stepp

“Broken”. That word conjures up many things. None good. The best I can tell, broken doesn’t happen on it’s own. It comes after a couple of other things. It is however. A stand alone problem. Is being broken permanent? Is this something that when we become it, we are defined and led by what it brings? Let’s unpack that.

Baggage

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I believe it starts with baggage. This is something everyone has. Baggage is a part of the human condition. And as we mature, and become older, we pack bigger and bigger bags. These are going to be full of your life. Good and bad. It’s funny that so many things have no absolute. They are both good and bad, depending on each situation. When two strangers become lovers. Their baggage meets.Most of the time this ends poorly. That’s just mathematical truth. Broken begins with the results from baggage.

Damage

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It seems to me that baggage, when allowed to control our our decision making process can lead to becoming damaged. I do believe this is common. I am damaged. And every girl I have interviewed or met, has been damaged. This, like baggage, will fight to enter into our decision making process. It can make us suspicious, paranoid, stand offish, and alone. Yep, alone. Damage will make us believe it is simply easier to be alone. In a way. Alone is easier. Unnatural to me, but many conclude that is the right path for them. The risk of getting hurt again is abated. But, for me at least, I want to partner with someone for life.

Broken

Well. Broken is the last part of this emotional supply chain of pain. Broken happens when our baggage is mishandled, then our damage becomes stronger than logic and clear thought. Broken is surrendering to being broke. I am on the bubble as it were. I will either heal or become broken. I have taken the risk to continue beyond my damage. If I find her, or have found her. This risk was so worth taking. If not. I will become one of the crowd that gives up, ans stays broken. The thought of this is overwhelming. Both ways really. One in a great way, the other devastating.

Why Try?

This may be the greatest question, I can never answer. Love does so many things to a person. Mostly, it makes us vulnerable. Like everything with a potential upside. Risk is involved. I hear people say, “I just want to find love”. My immediate thought is that every time I have found it, pain followed. Love is a strange thing. It can be a good thing or a bad thing. Yet, we only think of the good when we are searching for it. Then worry about the bad when we find it. Broken is a mystery I hope I never experience. But, it’s at arm's length, trying to come in. Being human can be maddening.

k@kstepp.com

Founder, American Angel Works.
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