Dating After Divorce "Taking Ownership"

By: Kenneth Stepp

Writing about a subject like this one is touchy to say the least. People owning people. Or at least this is what it feels like. Two people communicate a while, then meet, all of a sudden, someone assumes they own the other person. Didn’t we fight a war over this? It’s an ugly phenomenon that should not be tolerated. For myself. It’s the final red flag. If we share a meal and you change your Facebook status afterwards. You just officially scared the heck out of me. This is more common than you might think. Whatever happened to simply dating? Or enjoying one’s company?

To expect someone to forsake all others, at least for me, includes a ring. I realize that isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. But neither am I. A monogamous relationship is very different that a committed relationship. A monogamous relationship is what you have to see if you will move forward to that committed relationship. For me. That’s when you bring out a ring. Commitment is just that. Committed. Anything else is simply playing games. And when you play games, there is always a winner and a loser. In a committed relationship. Two people win. That is when, “forsaking all others”, comes into play.

For me, somewhere between the time my ex and I got together and about 15 months ago when we parted ways. Things changed on a drastic scale. I use to simply date. Two people decided to “go out”, and they had a decent time or they did not. Today, it’s as if we live in a parallel universe. Where there are titles to humans like the title to a car. Of course when the car gets old or a newer model comes along and gets in one’s eye, it’s time to trade one in for the other. Again. This is something uglier than it was back in the day.

What is the answer? I’m not sure most want an answer or deem one is needed. It’s how things are today for most people. “Hurry Up & Be Mine Syndrome”. Of course, these relationships are seldom going to last past 6 months. But, there is always the next one, right? I was with my ex for 26 years. I actually enjoy knowing who I will be sleeping with every night. It matters to me. I’m also my very own independent human person and will remain so. Having zero jealousy or control issues, I tend to run when I spot them on someone else. They are never helpful, always damaging, and totally illogical. As if you can manipulate or control another with them and have a relationship worth keeping.

Life is so full. Everyone’s is. Some do not seem like it. But they all are. Every waking moment has something filling it up for all of us. When someone calls and asks if I’m busy, I chuckle. If they ask, “can you talk?” I would not have answered if I couldn’t have. We all have priorities. And those change as life changes. And life changes daily. Flexibility is important to staying sane. Understanding this in others will help you not to invade their space. Even if two people are married, they still need their own space. This gets lost in some relationships. When I was married. I loved my alone time. I believe it is so important to personal growth and keeping the relationship strong. Two strong independent people make a strong relationship. Not one being strong for both.

I believe I can sum this ownership topic up in a word. “Respect”. If you do not respect the person you are either in a relationship with or seeking a relationship with. There will, at some point in the future, not be a relationship at all. Surrendering your fear of not having someone might be something to this as well. The next time you feel that green-eyed monster or the urge to manipulate to get your way. Remember. You will be tearing down the good, and building a wall……

www.stepplife.com

Founder, American Angel Works